Go into the Mystery
One of my friends (Hi Emily!) asked our group what our individual words of the year were to be. In retrospect, my 2023 word was stay. Stay in the hard. Stay in the job. Stay in the uncomfortable. Stay when everything in me wanted to run, wanted to escape. I challenged myself in the career realm this past year and there were many, many times the fire of my evolving burned hotter than I thought I could handle. The hotter the fire got, the more uncomfortable I felt, the more I doubted myself and my abilities, then the more the still, small voice of my soul kept whispering: stay.
I am so glad I did. I am the phoenix that stands in the ashes of the fire. I am so proud that I held onto faith and believed in myself.
I am ready to let it all go - the demands of perfection I put on myself and others, all the little ways I micro-manage the moments of my days, all of the ways I hold on to the illusion of control in hopes of success, well-being, safety. When Emily asked me what my word of the year was, that still small soul voice whispered Go - but not just go. No, an entire phrase was whispered to me in the night: “Go into the Mystery”. In the quiet of night, I humbly accepted. I accepted to get excited for what the day will bring. Rather than waking into the day with worry that I won’t be prepared enough for any pitfalls that come my way, rather than holding on to the fear of all the ways the day could let me down, rather than holding on to the fear of all the ways I could let me down, rather than fearing how tired and run down I could get in the course of a day, I accepted the challenge of waking by standing on the precipice of each day like a hang glider ready to jump off a cliff. I accepted knowing I have more to gain than I could ever lose. I accepted being excited to go into the mystery of the day, ready to fly among the eagles, open to what the winds of change may bring.
No sooner had I accepted than I had my first challenge. I cannot say I did well. This is, after all, more than words on a page. It is an entirely new way of being, a new way of thinking. It is a new neural pathway to be paved across the rutted roads of my mind. A trip to Italy, 24 hours before my flight, was rendered impossible and a decision had to be made. In that moment, and in the subsequent moments of the trip, I looked into the universe and said, “Really? Go into the mystery? You are kidding me, right?” I still do not see the great design behind the loss of Italy and going to the Dominican Republic, but I have come face-to-face with knowing “going into the mystery” will not be a passive challenge for 2024. All signs point to the universe committing to me forceable lessons I need in order to change my mindset from one of fear (rooted in the pillars of control and preparedness) to one of excitement (rooted by the wings of courage and trust).
I am not sure what the rest of 2024 has in store. This is the magic and mystery of life. But I am here in humility, ready to put my feet to the fire of my next phoenix rising. May the peace of love fill our days and the calm of rest fill our nights.
