Who Am I?

I love nitro coffee.  I was first introduced to it by a barista at Starbucks.  Side note – I love that as in all of their products, they brand their employees as baristas.  Not servers, not cashiers, not customer service agents, but baristas. A word that can help the employees identify as being special, as being a part of something, as giving them a self-worth that tells them they are different than other fast food workers.  This gives them a sense of belonging and I would imagine, helps create a culture of loyal employees. I digress.  Anyway, conversation with this lovely barista:

Me: I would like a venti cold brew with classic syrup and a blueberry scone.

Barista: Have you tried our Nitro???

Me: (bleary, just want caffeine and food thank you very much) No

Barista: It is so so good.  I highly recommend.

Me: (fuck it) Sure sounds good.  I’ll have a venti nitro with classic syrup and a blueberry scone.

Barista: Grande Nitro with. . .

Me: No a vente please

Barista: Grande Nitro. . .

Me: Vente!!!

Barista: I can only give you the Nitro in a grande size as it has too much caffeine for us to legally sell it to you in a vente.

Me: (ears perk up – so much caffeine!!! I love this person!!) Okay fine.  And a blueberry scone.

After that, unless the keg blew (which happens often – looking at you Starbucks!), it was off to the races and nitro became my daily source of caffeine.  After my midlife unraveling, this habit slowed to become more of a treat due to various reasons, but mostly because the nearest Starbucks is 40 minutes away and at that time, they didn’t sell the canned nitro in grocery stores like they do now.  My habit has become 2 cups of normal k-cup coffee in the morning. 

I am still attached to this idea that I love nitro coffee.  Yet, now that I do not drink it regularly, and have the space to see how my brain and body reacts when I do drink it, I wonder if this is actually true.  I do not think I like nitro at all.  In fact, I think my body and brain hate the aftermath of nitro.  When people say that coffee makes them jittery, I thought they meant the physical manifestation of the caffeine.  For me, I find that the nitro makes my mental landscape jittery and irritable.

I find it super interesting and somewhat relieving to see that my “I ams” can be fluid and flexible.  I do not have to be beholden to anything I have every thought about myself.  There is so much freedom in this concept, and today I am going to celebrate my freedom from “I am a nitro coffee lover” and am going back to my regularly scheduled 2 cups of normal k-cup coffee in the morning.  Maybe even one day, I will give up caffeine altogether, but today is not that day.  Cheers ya’ll.